katie welch

My good friend Kelli joined Tumblr. And this is her first post.  I think you should follow her (and read below).

kkfield:

On a cold New York City Tuesday morning, I received a phone call from someone I didn’t know but who knew me.  Odd.  Odder still- they were not asking for cash monies from me.  A good thing, because I was broke.  The polite lady said that she got my name from a mutual friend, and asked if I would be interested in cutting off all of my hair and dying it red.  On national television.  Within the hour.

Now, I consider myself a risk taker, having scaled mountains and jumped out of airplanes in the past, but in my opinion, this proposition was as dangerous as coming across a hungry llama while wearing a T-Bone steak bikini.  Luckily for the producers of the aforementioned program, “The Today Show”, I had just returned from a vacation on an island where “Maximum Chill” was a popular saying.  ”Maximum Chill” was used as a greeting, a send-off, a means of telling weary tourists to hey, relax, sometimes it really does take four hours to make that cheeseburger you ordered and if you don’t maximum chill, we will make sure it takes five hours.  So “Maximum Chill” as a saying, and a way of life, was still retroactively in my blood.  It was in this same Maximum Chill spirit that I decided, yes, it would be a good idea for me to cut off all of my hair and dye it red on “The Today Show”.  So, cut off all of my hair and dye it red on “The Today Show” is what I did.

The kind people at the fancy hair salon who turned me into a redhead plied me with magazines, compliments and booze.  They did ask me to “look more homely” when they were taking my “before” photo, but I understood.  I had no problem making a fool of myself on national television or anywhere else for that matter.  You see, I was my high school mascot and had participated in community dinner theater as an adolescent, and if that doesn’t toughen one’s skin against wide scale ridicule, I don’t know what does.  The segment came and went, and I rather enjoyed it.  Who wouldn’t like being picked up for work in a Mercedes only to get their hair and makeup done by professionals, all the while availing themselves to the delicious bounty of donuts and lunch meats (an odd, but true, combo) in the green room of the storied Today Show? Oh, and everyone there actually is as nice as they look on tv.  Natalie Morales actually hugged me.  It was kind of magical.

Fast forward to the day after my segment aired.  I am back in the cubicle of my day job, a modern-day Cinderella who had gone to the ball but without the happily ever after of free, unlimited lunch meats.   I receive another call, this one from my boss, who asks if I am sitting down.  I am.  She tells me that I was the subject of a bit in Jay Leno’s monologue the night before.

Yes, it was true.  I was the target of a Jay Leno ribbing.  He said (I paraphrase- but as closely as I can), “The Today Show aired a segment on turning people into redheads.  Sometimes it works out well, other times….well….not so much.  Here’s a before shot of Kelli……and here she is after…”  At which point the following appeared, on national television.

Now, I will be the first to admit that this is funny stuff.  Not so funny?  The realization that at that point, not only had millions of morning NBC viewers seen my ‘homely’ before picture, now millions of nightly NBC viewers had too.  I dug deep, maximum chilled, and knew that somewhere, there was a redheaded late night host out there who would defend me, and fellow redheads the world over.  That is why I am, and forever will be, Team Coco.

On a serious note, having come out of the Chicago improv scene back in the day, I know some of the people who have worked for Conan over the years.  They are hardworking people who have moved their lives and their families to Los Angeles for this job.  My thoughts are with them and I wish everyone on The Tonight Show the best, whatever the future may hold.

And to Conan O’Brien, forever and always, I remain your biggest, “redheaded” fan.

Sincerely,

Kelli Porterfield (Not Carrot Top)